Discoveries: Ron Swanson Inspired Bottle Cap Magnets

My well-documented Ron Swanson obsession interest has reached a new level.

Behold:

Swanson inspired bottle cap magnets

A suiting send up to the man, the legend and the mustache, this crafty concoction combines five of my favorite things into one perfect package:

• Ron Swanson
• Ron Swanson quotes
• Beer
• Breakfast foods
• And quasi-humorous bulleted lists (duh. -ed.)

Boasting "rare earth neodymium magnets" that sound powerful enough to perma-mount nearly any awkwardly-sized legal document to a defendant's front door, these little guys just made my week.

I heartily suggest you swing by Snug-a-Bug Blankets on Etsy and pick yourself up a pair of these fine Canadian exports.

Price: $4.00 USD

Go here, now: Ron Swanson Inspired Bottle Cap Magnet, Bacon and Eggs by Snug-a-Bug Blankets on Etsy


UPDATE: FIVE MORE RON SWANSON-INSPIRED GIFTS RON SWANSON WOULD PROBABLY APPROVE OF >>



Note: Links fixed and updated. Carry on.

Image reference: Snug-a-Bug Blankets

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UPDATE: It's your last chance at The Avengers Deuce and a Half

Good news if you missed buying The Avengers Deuce and a Half we reported on awhile back: There's one more gigantic S.H.I.E.L.D. truck out there just waiting to find a proud home in your driveway. (Probably dwarfing your house. -ed.)

According to the eBay auction, this particular hero S.H.I.E.L.D. Deuce and Half was actually used in the film. And it's the last one they're selling, so you better make haste with a quickness and a vengeance. 

Per the seller, the beefy 2 1/2 tons of sexiness you see here is rust free, boasts 10 matching tires at 90% or better and runs perfect. Beyond those mouthwatering why buys, according to Wikipedia, the medium duty M35A2 is rated to up to 10,000 pounds of cargo. Plenty of room for your army of Ironettes (not included). Plus, as an added bonus while you're hauling assloads of ass, you can feed its late model turbo diesel multi-fuel engine on pretty much any leftover fluids lying around the bunker: diesel, jet fuel, kerosene, heating oil and - in a pinch - gasoline. Hell, maybe even the tears of your fallen super enemies. (Unsubstantiated.)

Because it's ostensibly still military hardware, the terms of sale require an export license from the State Department if you're shipping it overseas. So make like Thor's Hammer and smash your credit line wide open before you miss out on this Avengers prop awesomeness for good.

Hit the jump for more photos, details and to place your highest/best bid, fanboys.

Check it here: Ebay.com - The Avengers Deuce. M35A2 Military 6x6. Last One.

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Discoveries: Eat To Grow Home Protein Delivery

I was hungry for Meat...

But I was too busy filing briefs to drive to my local food megastore to pick some up. Faced with this conundrum, the simplest, most obvious solution was turn to the web, where I stumbled upon this: Eat to Grow home protein delivery. A company that DELIVERS MEAT TO YOUR HOUSE.

Protein rich beef. All-natural chicken. Low-fat bison burgers. Omega-3 seafood. All-natural turkey. Whatever kind of Meat you're looking to char and consume, they'll ship it to you safely packed in a styrofoam box large enough to serve as a makeshift lifeboat for a family of eight.

Seriously, lifeboat. Check it out.

Billed as "Performance Food Delivered," the program was originally designed for bodybuilders and fitness competitors. (It appears to be endorsed by famous(?) fitness hotties and world-renown(?) swole gigantors.) But I see no reason the average, exercise-doing, Meat-loving American can't get in on the action - particularly if you pair your Meat selection with the proper microbrew.

Apparent Pros:

• Meat
• Meat delivered to your door
• Meat in convenient meal-sized packages
• Meat of the natural, organic variety
• Meat approved by hottie fitness hotties
• Also, Meat

Apparent Cons:

• I am not a gigantor
• (Justifiably) Expensive

Did I mention Meat?

Do NOT attempt.

Did I mention hottie fitness hotties?

Why, yes. I did.

Case. Closed.

Price: Varies

Check it out here: Eat to Grow





Image Source: Mat_the_W, used under Creative Commons.

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Discoveries: SylvanSport Go Camping Trailer

I love Airstream trailers. I mean, who doesn't? But, these days, the odds of anybody save Brad Pitt busting out the phat cash to haul home even the smallest Bambi are slim to none. That's why I was so hyped when I came across the SylvanSport Go.

Sure, it doesn't pack air conditioning, flat-screens, exotic woods and a sexy aluminum skin, but it has something else going for it. It's a true camper's camper. Everything you need is here: A popup tent. Two beds. A table. A weatherproof stowage box. And the luxury of energy-efficient LED lighting. All on a super cool looking ultra-light 640 pound frame.

Plus, if that wasn't enough to set the Go apart, it packs one more trick up its sleeve. That 640 pound frame transforms. Configuring to carry nearly any sort of sporting gear you'd ever need. Bikes, kayaks, skis - even ATV's - in a package that's easily towable by your average suburban station wagon crossover.

So it's not an Airstream. But with versatility, usability and affordability this breakthrough, the SylvanSport Go might just turn a few heads anyway. (Brad Pitt notwithstanding...)

Price: $7,995 (Loaded with the Adventure Accessory Package)

Check it out here: SylvanSport



Image Source: SylvanSport

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Survive the Zombie Apocalypse In Your Very Own Lighthouse Hideaway

It's a fairly recognized fact that zombies hate water.  So when the dead start walking, you best be heading off-shore. Fortunately, Uncle Sam is ready to oblige your nautical needs with, not one, but four deep water light stations up for auction. 

Accessible only by boat, pick one of these up and your survival odds will be well-positioned to take advantage of the severe lack of zombie seafaring tradition. Designed to hold out against the harshest ocean conditions and constructed around the turn of the century, give or take, these isolated beacons are built to last, too. Heavy concrete, cast iron caissons, reinforced brick and just the right amount of victorian flair are par for the course. Toss in a little paint, a little love and a desalinization plant, and you're ready to go. Check 'em out!

Miah Maull Light Station - "The Lonely One"

Delaware Bay | Cumberland County, New Jersey
39° 7´ 36" N, 75° 12´ 35" W
Sale-Lot Number: BOSTN112004001

Per the GSA Description:

The light station was constructed in 1913 and is a cast iron, 45-foot conical red tower with a black lantern, topped with a cornice. The foundation is a concrete and cast iron caisson, 40 feet in diameter.  The three-story interior is lined with brick.

Ship John Shoal Light - "The Baroque One"

Offshore | Seabreeze, New Jersey
39°18′19″N, 75°22′36″W
Sale-Lot Number: BOSTN112008001

Per the GSA Description:

(The Ship John Shoal Light) was built in 1877 to mark a hazardous underwater terrain feature known as Ship John Shoal. The lighthouse is a fifty foot high Second Empire Style red octagonal tower with its cylindrical concrete filled caisson foundation.  Included with the lighthouse is a concrete pier and a boat dock with riprap north of the lighthouse and a separate riprap deposit south of the lighthouse. The Property has a watch room and an octagonal lantern surrounded by an open gallery. It is accessible by boat only.

Little Gull Island Light Station - "The Private Island"

Long Island Sound | Orient Point, New York
41°12′23″N, 72°06′25″W
Sale-Lot Number: BOSTN111004001

Per the GSA Description:

Little Gull Island, located approximately seven (7) nautical miles from Orient Point, New York in Long Island Sound, contains approximately one (1) acre of land and is improved by the Little Gull Island Light Station.  The Light Station was constructed in 1869 and contains approximately 450 square feet of space.

Orient Point Lighthouse - "The Rocky Citadel"

Plum Gut | Southold, New York
41°9′48.393″N 72°13′25.014″W
Sale-Lot Number: BOSTN112007001

Per the GSA Description:

Built in 1899... ...The lighthouse consists of a brick lined cast iron plated tower section, a base section that is a concrete filled cast iron caisson, and a south facing vessel breasting structure consisting of a steel frame with timber/rubber fender panels.  Orient Point Lighthouse stands approximately 45 feet tall and is comprised of six levels, including two watch decks and three stories of living quarters.

If you're looking to bid, make sure you read the terms of sale.

While none of the requirements are as a nasty as the scrap order issued on the US Navy Stealth Ship auction we reported on awhile back, each does demand unique considerations you'll need to be aware of. (At least until civilization collapses under the zombie onslaught.)


Image Source: GSA, USCG

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You Can Make It Through The Bar, But Can You Survive the Reality TV Wasteland?

Say you make it through law school.

Say you pass the Bar. Say you make it to the real world relatively unscathed. Well, guess what... it's going to be rough out there. You may even need a fallback for a few months. Another option to tide you over while you wait for some fancy-schmancy, big-city law firm to plop an offer letter and a six figure salary in your lap. So whatever will you do?

Bam! Spike TV and Pilgrim Studios are looking for a few good close relations to make fools heroes of themselves on global television. The show is called "Last Family on Earth," and it may just be your golden ticket to reality tv immortality - not to mention a temporary pre-law meal ticket.

Per the press release:

"Nuclear war, terrorism, pole shifting, killer comets and tsunamis all have the potential to create national and worldwide disaster. Some even think the Mayan Calendar predicts the end of the world on December 21, 2012.

Do you have what it takes to survive global disaster?

If you think you have the skills, strength of will and determination to be one of the last people on earth — and to rebuild the earth with a community of true survivors — then SPIKE TV wants you to compete on their new show “Last Family on Earth.”

On this exciting new show, you and a handful of lucky people will compete in a series of thrilling challenges for a chance to win a prized spot in a state-of-the-art, community underground shelter for you AND your immediate family in case a worldwide emergency ever strikes. 

Vivos Shelters (www.terravivos.com) will give the winner ownership shares in one of their top-of-the-line Luxury Shelters for up to 6 immediate family members.

Producers are looking for outgoing and competitive PAIRS of immediate family members (husband and wife, father and son, siblings….) to represent their family household on this show.

APPLY TODAY! This is your opportunity to PROVE that you have what it takes to join a community of people who can survive global disaster!"

Casting deadline is June 20, 2012, so grab a father/mother/sister/brother/etc and click through for eligibility requirements and entry instructions before it's too late. Dun-dun-dun!



Image source: 1) Warvan on flickr.com. Used under Creative Commons. 2) Pilgrim Studios.

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Ron Swanson’s Mustache Comb: The Only Father’s Day Gift You’ll Ever Need. Ever.*

Father’s Day is upon us.

Every year about this time, it rolls up. Just like mandatory clockwork. The one day a year you’re forced to awkwardly hand Pops a gift, that he doesn’t want, to show your appreciation, that he already knows you feel, for his having weaned you into a man. (Or extremely awesome woman. –ed.)

And so, every year, you search for said gift. Combing hardware stores, car junkyards and value-priced department stores for the perfect curio to say, “Thanks for teaching me the ways of the world and not ditching me at the mall when I was three.” Fortunately, I have one word for you:

STOP.

For I have located the Holy Grail. The Father’s Day gift to end all Father’s Day gifts: A limited edition mustache comb (possibly) hand carved by Parks and Recreation's own Ron Swanson himself. Or by Nick Offerman, the actor who plays him… Close enough.

BEHOLD.

• “Hand carved out of varying exotic and local woods"
• “Non-Toxic”
• “Stache friendly finish”
• Customized wood burned initials (Only $25 bucks! -ed.)

Consider your Father’s Day gift buying DONE. Forever. As, each and every Father’s Day hence, he’ll fondly gaze at its personalized, hand-crafted wooden glory and smile. Inwardly, of course. Dads don’t actually smile. Ever.

Verdict: 11/10 gavels

Buy it here now: Offerman Woodshop



UPDATE: FIVE MORE RON SWANSON-INSPIRED GIFTS RON SWANSON WOULD PROBABLY APPROVE OF >>


*Mustache not required.

Image source: Offerman Woodshop.

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