Discoveries: Land Rover Defender XTech

For King and Countries.

GEAR ON TRIAL: NEW ENGLAND 2012

The definitive verdict on The North Face, Marmot and Merrell.

DISCOVERIES: SYLVANSPORT GO CAMPING TRAILER

The quintessential camper's camper is here.

NO ZOMBIES ALLOWED

Survive the zombie apocalypse in your very own lighthouse hideaway.

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Join the Firm and socialize to survive.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

REVIEW: LIBERTY BOTTLEWORKS

Give me liberty // Review: Liberty Bottleworks

They don’t teach you this in law school but proper hydration is the first step to success... whether in the field or the courtroom.


Given that it’s unfashionable (and unsustainable) to tote around a vending machine twenty-ouncer and that there are too many re-usable of bottles to choose from, how do you find something that stands out? BPA-free is a given these days, but then what?

Liberty Battleworks to the rescue
Help is on the way.


How about an American-made, 100% aluminum bottle that comes in hundreds of styles? How about one with a lifetime warranty that can be recycled when you finally wear it out? How about one made by a company that donates time and money to organizations like the National Park Service and Keep America Beautiful?

That’d be Liberty Bottleworks.

Liberty Bottleworks - Hydration the American Way
24 ounces of "hells, yeah."


These aluminum bottles will set you apart from the hordes of Nalgene devotees and can accompany you anywhere you don’t have to pass through a metal detector. The unique three-stud closure system takes a minute to get used to, but so far has stood up to the rigors of billing 70 hours in a single week.

Feel the click.
Sound advice.


Should said 70 hour week make you a little shaky, Liberty also offers a convenient available “sport” lid (not shown) that can be used to regulate water flow and minimize spillage... lest your your fancy clothes suffer.

I'm a Chugga'
Personally, I'm a Chugga...


Beyond excellent build quality and finish in all four bottles we sampled, Liberty bottles are extremely versatile. While they prefer water, our extensive testing has confirmed that they can be used to carry potable liquids of almost any type.*

Bottles of Liberty - Made in the USA
*Wink


The Verdict: American manufacturing may be down, but Liberty Bottleworks' proves we're not out yet.


Monday, December 24, 2012

HAPPY HOLIDAYS & MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE POST-APOCALYPTIC LAWYER

A Christmas (Horror) Story: You'll shoot your eye out kid.

And all I wanted for Christmas was an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-hundred-shot Range Model Air Rifle...


(With a compass in the stock. -ed)



Thursday, December 20, 2012

2012: AUTO-RESPONSE MESSAGE

404 WORLD NOT FOUND // THE EXISTENCE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR DOES NOT EXIST // END TRANSMISSION


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

MEMO: COINING THE FAUX-POCALYPSE

2012: THE DATE IS A LIE :: COINING THE FAUX-POCALYPSE

The Mayan Apocalypse is coming. (Cue super-scary and totally ominous piano chord.)


 Look out!  Here it comes. December 21st, doomsday as prophesied by a civilization that couldn't even last long enough to see it, is mere days away.

Late night comedians are freaking out. Crazy people in tinfoil hats are freaking out. The prepper-verse is freaking out/gleefully crossing their fingers. But pardon me if I don't freak the *#$% out. It's not really my thing. You see, this whole "world is going to end" thing is BS shenaniganry based on a sloppy misreading of some crusty archeological artifacts.


See? Also, NASA is awesome.


Unfortunately, for some reason, when people see the name of my blog - The Post-Apocalyptic Lawyer - they automatically assume that I must be really worried about the Mayans. That the 2012 faux-pocalypse is the end all, be all of my belief system. Not true. My Apocalypse already happened. That whole financial collapse way back in 2008? The New Normal? The Great Recession? Maybe you've heard of it?

So I prefer to look on the lighter side of life. The enjoyment side. The "life" part of the work-life balance equation. That's why I advocate going *gasp* outside. It's why I push fitness. Why I advocate being prepared. Why I promote Made in the USA. Why I care about jobs. And pop culture. And politics. And fun. Basically, anything but the 2012 phenomenon. Because life is more than prepping for the end... It's about living. Pure and simple.

On that note, ladies and gentlemen, I'm out scotch.

Which is definitely something worth freaking out about.

Sincerely,

Signed, The Post-Apocalyptic Lawyer







Friday, December 14, 2012

PAL SURVIVAL TEAM #4: JENNIFER WALTERS, SHE-HULK AT LAW

Wups... Marvel's She-Hulk Sensational (2010) #1, Released: March 31st, 2010, Penciller: Gary Frank

Welcome to the PAL Survival Team.

A running dossier/celebration of the men, women and giant green hotties you want on your side when Justice stops prevailing... And starts getting real.



PAL SURVIVAL TEAM #4:
Jennifer Walters, Marvel's She-Hulk at Law

Given that the average Lawyer spends an average of a billion years in school, most of us are pretty damn smart. However, come SHTF, brains may not matter a wit without the muscle to back it up. Hence, I hereby nominate Jennifer Walters, AKA: The Incredible She-Hulk, as the newest member of the PAL Survival Team.

The Argument:

Exhibit A: While she lives the life of a meek, mild-mannered attorney at the prestigious firm of Goodman, Lieber, Kurtzberg and Holliway by day, she also boasts the stones, the hawt arse and the incredible strength to impress not only the jury, but a higher power... the Fantastic Four. (You go girl. -ed.)

Now that's a finding.


Exhibit B: She debated Wonder Woman in open court and won.

Persuasive.


Exhibit C: She crushed it on the catwalk. Literally.


(Yes, the catwalk.)


Exhibit D: She used her new "assets" to make the biznitches at her ten year reunion her bitch. And who doesn't love doing that?


It's a Lawyer speciality.


The biggest objection to She-Hulk joining the team? I'm told she's not real...


Or is she?!


Nope.


Marvel's All-new Savage She-Hulk #2, Released: May 13th 2009, Penciller: J. Scott Campbell, Inker: J. Scott Campbell, Colorist: Studio F - Edgar Delgado
Case closed.






Image Ref: Marvel.com
She-Hulk and related properties are ™ & © Marvel & Subs.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

MAKE YOUR EDC MADE IN THE USA

TODAY'S ALL-AMERICAN EDC: Leatherman CX Multi-tool, Maglite XL50, Wolverine 1000 Mile 744LTD Wallet, Triple Aught Design FAST pack

Guys take their Every Day Carry seriously, as well they should. But how does one keep it local in today's "Made in China" Amuricah?


Here's my "Made in America" kit for today:


It's capable. It's ballin'. And it mostly gets through security at the courthouse...

Mostly...

(Mistakes were made. And now he needs a new Leatherman. Wups! -ed.)



Saturday, December 1, 2012

10 MANLY, RUGGED & OUTDOORSY HOLIDAY GIFTS UNDER $25 DOLLARS

10 Manly, Rugged & Outdoorsy Holiday Gifts Under $25

The Internet tells us that to survive in the wilds your gear must be forged from the finest titanium and carbon fiber composites. That tactical buzzwords are more important than functionality. And that, no matter what, your hardware must be as expensive as f@ck.


Well, screw Gear Patrol, Gear Junkie and their elitist ilk. This is not true. Never has been. Never will be. So stop asking yourself, "where can I buy outdoor gear too fancy to ever actually use?" and check out these manly, rugged and outdoorsy gifts you can stuff under the Christmas tree for well-under $25 bucks:

COGHLAN'S STEEL SHAFT CAMP AXE

At 1 lb. 14 oz. it may weight a bit more than those fancy tactical axes boasting DFARS certified, aerospace grade 6AL4V Titanium, but with its forged steel head and steel shaft, it'll get the job done for years to come at a fraction of the toll.






GERBER GATOR MACHETE

Up against brush, small firewood and a rampaging zombie hoard? Give the gift that keeps on cutting with the Gerber Gator Machete. Packing a high-carbon steel serrated blade and saw rendered in a scary non-reflective black finish, not to mention the prestigious Gerber name, the Gator Machete is guaranteed to cut through the under-tree clutter. (Also helpful for unwrapping stubborn presents. -ed.)







GERBER GORGE FOLDING SHOVEL

Camp shovels are important, if often neglected, pieces of kit. At 28 oz. the carbon-steel-bladed Gerber Gorge folding shovel does the job in style. Plus, whether you're digging a foxhole or digging into a mountain of Christmas dinner mashed potatoes, it does double duty with a hammer surface built into the base.






MAGLITE 4 C-CELL FLASHLIGHT

Manufactured in the USA from super-durable aircraft aluminum it has great hand feel, it offers excellent illumination endurance and it cracks some skulls. The choice of Police officers everywhere, no matter which Maglite you choose it's sure to be a choice gift cherished for decades to come. (U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A! -ed.)





HYDRO FLASK 12 OZ VACUUM INSULATED CANTEEN

Keeps your hot drinks hot, your cold drinks cold and doesn't burn or freeze your hands while doing it. After our recent review, I'm a big fan.






BRUNTON CLASSIC 8040G COMPASS

With an optic green base, USGS map scales, a state-of-the-art cobalt steel needle, clear liquid dampening and ton of other official sounding stuff, the Brunton Classic 8040G Compass is a great deal on the real deal.







YAKTRAX PRO TRACTION DEVICE

Ice is a cold mistress. Cut down on distracting holiday-season slip and fall claims with a pair of Yaktrax. In my personal experience, these things work wonders.






GERBER BEAR GRYLLS BASIC SURVIVAL KIT

Even though Bear Grylls has been pretty much discredited as a lying cheater, this kit is not cheating you. Besides delivering survival essentials, like a Gerber Mini Paraframe Knife, fire tinder, waterproof matches, an emergency whistle and more, it also provides you with peace of mind. And who doesn't want that? (Other than Bear Grylls... snap! -ed.)






TEXSPORT SINGLE BURNER PROPANE STOVE

With 5,000 BTU's, an adjustable heat control and a large paddle foot base for stability, camp stoves don't get much more simple, or well-priced, than this.






SMARTWOOL MOUNTAINEER SOCKS

If you're going to give socks... which I certainly hope you're not... these babies are the only socks worth gifting. Super warm and comfy, with great moisture control, they're a must for padding around the house while summiting K2.







VERDICT: You don't have to spend a fortune to gift like a soldier of fortune.


Did we nail it, or did we fail it? Sound off in the comments below or @PstApclyptcLwyr on Twitter.


Tuesday, November 20, 2012

FIVE RON SWANSON-THEMED GIFT IDEAS RON SWANSON WOULD PROBABLY APPROVE OF

FIVE RON SWANSON-THEMED GIFT IDEAS RON SWANSON WOULD PROBABLY APPROVE OF

Christmas and the assorted associated gift-giving holidays are fast approaching. So what do you get that red-blooded, meat-noming, government-mistrusting relative or coworker (probably with a heart of gold) who just so happens to want for nothing he/she can't craft with their own two hands?


Most likely you won't find it a Walmart Black Friday Sale stampede. No, you have to dig deeper than the shallow baubles and flat screen televisions that the commercialized military industrial complex prefers to peddle down your throat. You, sir or madame, need a gift of Ron Swanson magnitude. As such, I present to you the top Ron Swanson gifts worth giving this holiday season. Now, go forth and consume, Patriot!


Gift #5 - Ron Swanson Inspired Flattened Bottle Cap Magnets

AS SEEN ON: Snug-A-Bug Blankets via Etsy.com
KEY ATTRIBUTES: Bacon, Eggs and Beer
PRICE: $4.00 USD
MADE IN: Canada, America's 51st State.
SUITABLE FOR: Overpowering less enlightened refrigerator art

Gift #5 - Ron Swanson Inspired Flattened Bottle Cap Magnets



















Gift #4 - Turf & Turf Ron Swanson Print 8x10

AS SEEN ON: Bill Main via Etsy.com
KEY ATTRIBUTES: Who doesn't love meat with a side of meat?
PRICE: $18.00 USD
MADE IN: California, USA.
MEAT LEVEL: Set to eleven.

Gift #4 - Turf & Turf Ron Swanson Print 8x10




































Gift #3 - DIY Ron Swanson Cross Stitch Kit

AS SEEN ON: Bombastitch via Etsy.com
KEY ATTRIBUTES: The best gifts are the ones you can do yourself
PRICE: $13.00 USD
MADE IN: Texas. Just Texas.
SUITABLE FOR: The wife (Or civilized men who appreciate the beauty of fine needle works. -ed.)

Gift #3 - DIY Ron Swanson Cross Stitch Kit





























Gift # 2 - Parks and Recreation Clear Alcohols Poster, Size A2

AS SEEN ON: CreativeSobriety via Etsy.com
KEY ATTRIBUTES: Words of wisdom
PRICE: $40.00 USD
MADE IN: Bloody England (I'll let this one slip. -ed.)
IGNORE: The metric measurements. Because they're metric.

Gift # 2 - Parks and Recreation Clear Alcohols Poster, Size A2

































Gift #1 - "Ron Swanson's" Mustache Comb Second Edition, Possibly Carved by the Man Himself

AS SEEN ON: Offerman Woodshop
KEY ATTRIBUTES: Mustache grooming, Ron-ness
PRICE: $75.00 USD
MADE IN: America, baby. Just like G. Washington intended.
ALSO SUITABLE FOR: Father's Day

Gift #1 - "Ron Swanson's" Mustache Comb Second Edition, Possibly Carved by the Man Himself




Did I make the call, or did I drop the ball? Sound off in the comments below or hit me up on Twitter.


Monday, November 19, 2012

EXPEDITED REVIEW: WOLVERINE 1000 MILE 744 LTD Wallet

The Wolverine 1000 Mile 744 LTD Wallet

To celebrate the launch of the new 1000 Mile 744 LTD limited-run boot, Wolverine issued an exclusive, special edition wallet. I was lucky enough to get my hands on one.


The Wolverine 1000 Mile 744 LTD Wallet


The wallet is a simple affair, essentially two rectangular slices of Horween "Essex" leather impeccably stitched together on three sides forming a pocket. Stamped with the marque of the brand, the piece offers just enough space to stash a couple cards and a few bills.  Minimalist, yet classic, it's perfectly suited to the design ethos of the entire 1000 Mile line.

The Wolverine 1000 Mile 744 LTD Wallet


The pros: It's attractive, made in the USA and totally balla'.
(Plus, it smells nice. -ed.)

The Wolverine 1000 Mile 744 LTD Wallet - Made in USA


The cons: I didn't get a pair off 744's out of the deal.

The Wolverine 1000 Mile 744 LTD Boots


THE 1000 MILE 744 LTD WALLET VERDICT:
While it's not an everyday carry, the 744 LTD wallet is my new go-to when I want to travel light and look good.

(None of which really matters, because you can't buy the wallet anyway. That said, you can grab the 744 LTD boots at any of the fine retailers listed here, which is almost as good. Just act fast, Wolverine only made 1000 of them.  -ed.)


Special thanks to Wolverine 1000 Mile for providing us with this great example of American craftsmanship.



Image Referece: Wolverine 1000 Mile

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

REVIEW: HYDRO FLASK 12 OZ VACUUM INSULATED WATER BOTTLE

Steaming Stanley - The Hydro Flask 12 oz Vacuum Bottle Review

For over 100 years there's been only one name in the rugged, outdoorsy coffee storage market. And that name is Stanley.


So when I set off to find the perfect urban coffee conveyance - one with an ideal balance of heat control and professional backwoods cred - I naturally reached for the reassuring Stanley trademark green I grew up with. The very hallmark color that great grand dad trusted to keep his coffee hot and his manhood intact. (Most likely, while hunting ducks from the top of a half built skyscraper. -ed.)


Hark! An alternative approaches...
Hark! An alternative approaches...

Unfortunately for me, the  old skoolers at Stanley don't offer said iconic green in a size compatible with the average single-serve coffee slinger found in today's modern offices.


The color in question... Incriminating, isn't it?
The color in question.

Thus, I faced a puzzler the likes of which my great grand pappy would never have dreamed of. Re-usable water bottles are a mess of compromises. Tall ones don't fit in the Keurig. Aluminum single-wall bottles transmit hot java blisters that make the surface of the sun look appealing. And decorative mugs leave the kind of lasting impression you don't really want to last. Finally, after years of searching sporting goods shops far and wide, I discovered a worthy alternative: The 12 oz Hydro Flask vacuum insulated stainless steel water bottle.


Hydro Flask - The most confusing logo on Earth.
What is this?

It's BPA free. It's fashioned from 18/8 food grade stainless steel. And its easy to chug/clean mouth is larger than your average water bottle. Plus, best of all, its compact stature sports a fancy green finish just close enough to Stanley's that your average lumberjack could mistake the two from a distance of 10 paces. Hence my fervent prayers for rugged appeal in a more convenient package were answered... and my EDC kit is now one Hydro Flask richer.


The Hydro Flask 12 oz Vacuum Insulated Canteen - why buys abound.
Why buys abound.

So how does Stanley feel about this color conundrum? It's safe to say, they're probably steamed.


Pros:

  • Short enough to fit in some (but not all) office single serve coffee/water machines
  • Thin container walls maximize internal coffee volume
  • Doesn't burn your hand
  • Keeps hot hot
  • Keeps cold cold
  • Looks awesome
  • Feels awesome
  • Puts the power of the vacuum in your hand
  • Green Zen Matte finish looks damn near iconic Stanley green


Cons:

  • Not made in the USA (Despite labeling that could be taken otherwise)
  • Silly logo doesn't engender professional confidence/competence
  • Green Zen Matte finish looks damn near iconic Stanley green

All in all, the littlest Hydro Flask is a suitable alternative to Stanley when it comes to lugging joe and looking good. (Even if grand dad wouldn't approve...)

Verdict: 9/10 Borderline copyright infringements

(Yes, that means we like it enough to recommend it.)






Friday, November 9, 2012

BREAKING: 41 MINUTES AND THREE SECONDS OF PAULA BROADWELL LOOKING HOT

General Attraction: 41 minutes and three seconds of Paula Broadwell looking hot.

Multiple news reports are beginning to detail the sudden, unexpected and scandalous resignation of CIA Chief David Petraeus. Washington and the various cable news networks are all atwitter with rapid, vapid indignation. And, personally, I'm left wondering who seduced the (real) most powerful man in the world


Word is, Petraeus - a capable senior officer, co-author of the Army Counterinsurgency Field Manual 3-24 and orchestrator of the much-ballyhooed Iraq and Afghanistan "surge" - has apparently stepped down due to an extra-marital affair with his biographer; a certain Paula Broadwell. And based on pictures I've seen, it's no wonder he went "All In" with the author of All-In: The Education of General David Petraeus. (Read: Because she's a total hottie. -ed.)

As proof of my hotness hypothesis, I present to you: 41 minutes and three seconds of Paula Broadwell looking hot. She's also talking about something. I think. But... mostly just looking hot... for 41 minutes and three seconds.

She works out.

On one hand, I'm saddened by this changing of the guard. David Petraeus is a war hero, one of the finest leaders to serve our military in recent history and a capable master of the CIA dark arts. On the other hand, daayum! She's hot. Babe. Hottie. All of these things, combined.

No matter what buzz is bouncing around the Beltway, one thing's for sure, at least this former four-star has better taste than Bill Clinton.

Snap.


Monday, November 5, 2012

CIVIC DUTY 2012: THE TOUGHEST CHOICE YOU'LL MAKE ALL ELECTION DAY...

2012 Election Day Decisions

Neat or on the rocks?

2012 Election Day Decisions - Left or right or both

The bad news/good news is I now have to drink both.

(No matter who wins, It's a win-win.)



Friday, October 26, 2012

POST-APOCALYPTIC STYLE: LAST-MINUTE HALLOWEEN COSTUME IDEAS

At civilization's end, style begins.

You only have days to go before the company Halloween party. It's too late to order a costume online. And if you don't pull off a killer look in front of the boss, you're screwed. What. Do. You. Do?


Yes, the countdown to Hallow's Eve zero hour has begun. Fortunately, from The Hunger Games and The Walking Dead to NBC's Revolution, the recent popularity of survivalist situations in pop culture pretty much ensures that post-apocalyptic costumes will be all the rage at the employee Halloween observance this year. Which is good news for you, because it makes costuming super easy. Just follow these simple tips to save your DIY day and score some last-minute, candy-coated props in the process.




STEP 1: Locate your nearest Army-Navy Surplus Store.

(Live in a forsaken wasteland or a liberal-leaning New England enclave? Your local purveyor or discount sporting goods will do, but only in a pinch.)




STEP 2: Buy these things:

Goggles.
Between the sandstorms, the noxious fumes, the blinding sun and all the other nasty wasteland surprises, I want to see goggles, people. Consider this a pre-requisite.


A gas mask.
From simple dust masks to full-face World War I contraptions, nothing scares or intrigues like a gas mask. For the money, you won't find a better price-to-effectiveness costume accessory anywhere.



A helmet.
As a functional design touch, a well-chosen helmet protects your skull, alters your silhouette and looks hella awesome.



A vietnam-era flak jacket, football pads, BMX gear or paintball armor.
Amp up the badassery and toss some protective gear in the mix. Just remember, A little body armor goes a long way. Use it sparingly as an accent, not a focal point. Overdo it and you'll go from badass to 70's glam band in no time flat. (Bonus point for well-placed spikes.)



Worn-out utility stuff. Leather belts, bags, ratty cotton cloth, whatever.
Survivors are always prepared. That means, whether you go with a simple utility belt or a full-on ALICE field pack, you're going to need both accessories and a place to stash 'em. The more distressed, the better. (Quadruple points for bandoleers.)



Weaponry.
Hardware is always a touchy subject. If you must carry, survival in the halloween circuit is earned at the barrel of a Nerf gun. Keep it light. Keep it fun. Keep it from getting you arrested. (I know, I know. Weaponry is fun! It's cool! Just keep in mind, the more props you have to carry, the less hands you have for drinking. 'nuff said.)


Try an eyepatch.
Dashing, sexy and mysterious. Eyepatches are all three.




STEP 3: Don't forget to...

Aim for neutrals and earth tones.
You know why they called the British "Red Coats?" They wore bright red coats. An eye-catching affliction that made them tasty targets for well-camouflaged Colonials. And we all know how that turned out for the Brits. Same goes for the Wasteland. Match your surroundings. If you must toss in a dash of color, keep it muted. Peacocking gets you dead. Or, at the very least, makes you the company Hallow-douche; doomed to an evening of creeping the punch bowl alone.

Customize. Customize. Customize.
Own it by making it your own. Spray-painted stencils, hand-stitched patches and comedic accessories add personality and start conversations. Try it.



And above all, Keep it sexy.
Ladies, you know what we're talking about. No longer the kiddie holiday of old, Halloween is now an adult bacchanalia of debauchery, so dress appropriately. Cutoff shorts. Torn fishnets or tights. Midriff bearing shirts. High-heel boots. Hell, even a well-cut bikini. If you got it, flaunt it conspicuously. (I won't hold it against you.)






STEP 4: Kick it with a tasty groove. Your bosses won't know what - or who - hit on 'em.




How'd we do? We we nail it, or did we fail it? Post your favorite Post-Apocalyptic Costume tips below, biznitches.


Image reference: 1) Warvan on flickr.com. Used under Creative Commons.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

THIS IS A THING: THE HUNGER GAMES HALLOWEEN COSTUMES

The Hunger Games Halloween costumes are real

Merchandising is best when milked.

Yes, post-apocalyptic costumes are all the rage this Halloween, thanks in part to big ticket pop-culture properties like the Hunger Games Franchise. After raking in massive book and ticket sales, it was inevitable that the Halloween costumes would follow. And, oh boy, they have. Let's explore, shall we?

First, there's The Hunger Games District 12 Training Shirt. Sure, I'll buy that.




Then there's the Hunger Games Mockingjay Pin. Ok. Makes sense.




And The Hunger Games Jacket costume. I suppose I'm still picking up what you're putting down...




I'll even go so far as to accept The Hunger Games Katniss Dog Tags. (Cute. -ed.)




But official The Hunger Games District 12 socks?!




The actual apocalypse can't come fast enough.



Monday, October 22, 2012

BREAKING: GOVERNMENT KILLS HAUNTED LIGHTHOUSE AUCTION

No Ghost For You - Penfield Reef Light GSA Auction Cancelled

In the waning months of Summer, 2012, the United States General Services Administration placed the Penfield Reef Lighthouse up for auction. Just a few scant months later, mere days before Halloween, they abruptly cancelled it. But why


Probably because it's haunted. Guarding Penfield Reef on the south side of the Black Rock Harbor entrance to Long Island Sound since 1874, rumor and Wikipedia have it that the station is a potent host to a plethora of paranormal abnormalities. (So you'll probably want to ride out the inevitable zombie apocalypse elsewhere. -ed.)

Haunted Penfield Light Exterior
Spoooky.

Reports of strange events began after the death of Lighthouse Keeper Frederick A. Jordan on December 22nd, 1916. Lost in rough seas in a failed attempt to row to shore for Christmas celebrations, his ghostly visage was first reported just two weeks later by Assistant Keeper Rudolph Iten. Later keepers experienced the apparition and its ill-effects on the light, as well, even going so far as to sign affidavits describing the encounters.

Haunted Penfield Light in Profile
Yikes.

The tales came to a head in 1942, when two boys reported that the ghost saved them from drowning. After the Coast Guard automated the  station in 1971, the stories slowed to a trickle. And now, after years attempting to force the sale of the Penfield light, the GSA is pulling the auction prematurely. But why?

Site of the encounter - Haunted Penfield Light Interior Stairs
Site of the encounter.

Now, I'm no ghost hunter, but the station was one of the last masonry lights ever built in the United States. Shortly thereafter, offshore installations transitioned to cast iron towers. Based on the knowledge I've gained via 16 viewings of Ghost Busters 2 and an episode of Food Network's Halloween Wars, I posit that the soft stone construction may be absorbing the ghostly energy, perpetuating the haunting effect. Ergo, good ol' Fred is conspiring to keep the light in its decrepit state, so that he may mourn his ghostly life alone. (Right... that's toootally it. -ed.)

Haunted Penfield Light Interior - Spooky
Extra scary story.

Now, before we get ahead of ourselves with this whole "haunted hypothesis thing," they say the bidding has been cancelled due to governmental "discussions" over the submerged lands lease. Verbatim:
Auction Sale-Lot # BOSTN112005001 has been cancelled due to renewed discussions with the State of Connecticut regarding the required submerged lands lease.  Penfield Reef Lighthouse will be reoffered in the Spring of 2013 with a new Sale-Lot #.  GSA will post a new Invitation for Bids at that time.
But we all know (probably) that it's been cancelled due to haunting (totally). There is definitely (kinda) some serious Scooby Doo level stuff going on here. (Or not...) Long story short, if you want to own this haunted lighthouse you'll have to wait till Spring.

Haunted Penfield Masonry Landing
No one can hear you scream.


Penfield Reef Light Station
Sale-Lot Number: BOSTN112005001
For more images, visit the GSA Shutterfly account for the Auction.

Scary Penfield Lighthouse Exterior
Haunted lighthouse for sale. Not.


Image Reference: GSA